(wrote this a long time back....but....what the heck)
Three years is a long time and these last three year have taught me to laugh at and even cherish something I considered a very embarrassing moment in my life. Before I begin, let me tell you that I am no great shakes at acting. Infact, acting in front of an audience (large or small) makes me so conscious of myself that I don’t need to touch myself to feel my heartbeat. My heartbeat seems to be the only sound in the universe so much so that I wonder as to how I managed to miss it earlier.
For this simple reason I have always been content with the role of the narrator in a play and the only time I did a cameo on school stage (being almost pushed into it by the piercing looks and cutting words of a teacher) was too much a chaos of heartbeats and nervousness to be told.
Coming back to this particular incident it happened somewhere in May 2001, when Madhu Sundaram (the professed Madhu Bhaiya of the colony) along with his compatriots Manav Sharma (Manu Bhaiya) and Ashutosh Pandey (the all so famous Ajay) keeping up with the tradition, organized the “ANNUAL SUMMER GAMES”. It was a two day carnival of indoor and outdoor games which earned each time points and at the end of two days the points were added up and the winning team was declared.
That year the total number of participants were divided into three different teams as against the usual two.I don’t remember exactly who all were a part of the other two teams but never even in a hundred years can I forget the composition of mine. We were five in all- Ashok, Navya, Rajat, Tushita and last but in no way the least, I (having been declared the head of my team). Our team was doing decently well and we also had the maximum points though the other two were very close behind.
It must have been seven or so in the evening and I was in high spirits as I climbed down the stairs from my house after wiping myself dry. We had just been awarded points for breaking a pot hung high from a rope amidst splashes of buckets full of water from all sides. As I reached the club and took my place with my team members, I was updated to the current scenario. I had just missed the bun-eating race and heard emphatic descriptions of how Tushita had to struggle to finish half a bun (the other half went down Rajat’s esophagus) even as Bittu, standing in front of her on a chair pretended he would throw up any minute and kept jumping down, holding his throat and producing all sorts of puky sounds.
As we all settled down, we were told that next in queue was a short play competition. Each team had to put up an act for five to ten minutes. The choice of the theme etcetra was left entirely to us.
My worst fears were coming true... BUT!!! Wait a minute! I was to be the narrator, of course!!
Soon, everybody got engrossed in the preparation of the play. In my own team, Rajat and Ashok seemed to be scripting some suspense thriller with their heads bent together and their voices no louder than a cautious whisper. I was urging Navya to suggest an appropriate conclusion to a spoof at ‘Romeo and Juliet’ while he gave me a ‘ HOW-DO-I-LAND-UP-NEXT-TO-SUCH-WEIRDOS’ look. Tushita, having found nothing better to do was staring at infinity with all the elegance of the Princess of Wales. Nobody could figure out what we were to do and watching the other two teams deep in discussion just added to our helplessness. Perhaps the helplessness was too evident, for not after long did we see Ajay ‘gliding’ towards us with his hands in his pockets and ‘I AM A COOL DUDE’ almost written all over his face. I say ‘gliding’ because the distance between his legs and his face is so great that if u are looking at his face and are stunned by the expression on it, you can easily overlook the fact that he is walking and thus he appears to be merely gliding.
Anyway, it was only many months later that I could forgive him for having then come to us with his brilliant suggestion; for it did sound very innovative to our ears at that time and its brilliancy was heightened by the fact that we were in dire need of a script. He suggested a spoof at Ramayan and went on to explain in detail how we could enact certain scenes with a few Bollywood numbers pitched in here and there. When he ‘glided’ back after having thus kicked our imaginations, we were all geared up for (as I was to realize later) the INEVITABLE.
Our judges of course, were the three amiable ‘organizers’ who soon called for a member from each team to decide the order in which the teams would perform. As Rajat went ahead somebody from the team shouted after him, “JEET KE AANA.” Either it was Rajat’s determination to win which was supernaturally strong or it was lady luck –dead against us, we were soon told that we were to perform first. The jaws of each one of us were suspended in mid air WE WERE JUST NOT PREPARED! Ashok looked as if he were about to demand an explanation for the gross disobedience on the part of Rajat who reasoned “WHAT! JEET KE HI TO AAYA HOON.WE ARE FIRST.”
Our magnanimous judges gave us five extra minutes to prepare. Time was short and we could only chalk out an oral script. Each person’s roles and dialogues were discussed but rehearsing was right out of question. I too had a small part to play but surprisingly, I did not feel all that miserable probably owing to the paucity of actors or the fact that I felt I could pull it off in an ‘on the spot’ or merely the realization that there had to be a first time.
However, when I looked at the other end of the club (for we were huddled near the kitchen) my confidence gave way. I saw the three of them sitting on the sofa facing us, with both the teams making themselves comfortable on either side, clearly waiting for us. It gave me the jitters to see them all waiting like that. The realization that I was to act in front of so many pairs of eyes made my heart expand in desperation. But I quickly pushed the thought away and breathing deeply went ahead with the futile discussion.
Finally, we were called to start and since they did not entertain any more excuses we were compelled to move to the middle of the club. We stood there for a few seconds rather awkwardly before I, feeling the need for an introduction marched on to the carpeted area (which was to be our so called stage) and in a voice surprisingly high- pitched informed them what our play was about.
Needless to say, our project was doomed. No one could have ended up with weirder ideas than we did. This I was to realize only later. Who could have expected a six feet, sheepish looking Navya as Ram being almost romanced by Ashok in T-shirt and balloon pants playing Sita. The kind of scene that was going on in front of my disbelieving eyes is beyond my creative expression. Navya was dumfounded and literally gaped at Ashok through his glasses and Ashok was fluttering around Navya with out of the world one- liners. One part of the audience were openly laughing at our stupidities while the other half looked solemn, probably considering it below their dignity to be entertained by such gibberish. Somebody was laughing behind me and when I turned to look I found Tushita literally under a table going, jerking violently with eruptions of downright irritating laughter.
Soon Navya broke an imaginary ‘Dhanush’ to obtain the license to marry Ashok. Now came Tushita’s bit. She was playing Raja Dhashrath and was required to bestow her blessings on the newly married couple. For a few second Navya and Ashok looked around not knowing what to do. It took me some time to pull myself out of the bewildered trance I was in and remember which scene was to follow. The moment I recollected, I signaled to Tushita, who looked at me as though I had started speaking Malayalam. I urged her with considerable desperation in a low voice,” TUSHITA!!! GO!” she stood where she was, her face showing absolute surprise. I guess you would understand my loosing the cool for our dear Miss Tushita had not only forgotten her dialogues, she had also very conveniently managed to forget the role she was to play. What ensued was a verbal war between the two of us witnessed by all present there. Both of us were screaming at the top of our lungs. I was calling her a ditcher and she denied that she had ever been told about anything remotely like playing Dhashrat.
The resounding laughter from Madhu Bhaiya’s lips brought me back to earth and I promptly announced ‘BREAK’ while the audience burst into guffaws of laughter. I dragged Tushita towards the kitchen and hurriedly explained her her role again. Not that it made much of a difference. The way she delivered the dialogues made us feel as if she was bored of life and she walked off the moment she had finished speaking.
Now came the docile-looking Rajat who was playing Ravan and he kidnapped Sita (Ashok, who was more than willing to be kidnapped).
For those of you who are still wondering what my part in the play was I will give you a last hint. When I made my entry Ashok was (supposed to be) sobbing in the Ashok Vatika. Got it?
Yes, I was HANUMAN.
The audience could not digest it. I even heard somebody asking me in sheer amusement, “You are Hanuman?” I must have cut a very amusing figure in my T-shirt and Denim shorts with hair all open and half wet. Not to mention I was too thin for Hanuman. This time the heartbeats were not the only sound audible to me. Giggles, suppressed laughter and the booming ones of You-Know-Who were all clearly heard by me. I mumbled something about a ring that Ram had sent to Sita. Ashok was too excited and as a Hindi saying goes SAM DAM DAND BHED nothing could have deterred him that day from uttering all sorts of poetic one-liners.
So our Sita denied having anything to do with the ring Hanuman had got her from Ram and declared that she was much too pleased with the state of affairs in Ashok Vatika. Now, this was not what we had planned. So Hanuman rather confused (and trying to avoid those pairs of eyes) told Sita that Ram missed her. Prompt came the reply that has till date embedded itself in my memory.
“MAGAR IS MISS KO KOI AUR KISS KAR RAHA HAI”.
It seemed as if the ceiling would give way with all the sound that erupted from among the spectators. I snatched a glance at them. Vivek and Alok were too thrilled and found it difficult to keep their seats. Purvi and Surabhi were shaking their shoulders in unison. Girishmant although laughing, wore a ridiculous expression on his face. My confusion at that time was so great that I can hardly put it down in words. I kept staring at Ashok who himself was doubled up with laughter and after sometime I too giggled and walked off the stage.
We were finally at the climax. Ram and Ravan were having some very polite conversation regarding Sita. Suddenly, I remembered that we were to supplement all dialogues with songs. And so I started singing
“HUM BHI HAI JOSH MEIN
BAATEIN KAR HOSH MEIN
YOON NA ANKHEN DIKHA…”
And all the while the both of them kept walking around each other trying to look very macho. A little DISHUM-DISHUM and the play came to an end with the death of Ram. Ravan and Sita lived happily ever after.
There was a stunned silence. Nobody could believe the idiosyncrasy that they had just witnessed. Madhu Bhaiya asked rather skeptically, ”Ravan ne Ram ko maar diya?”My embarrassment knew no bounds. I sat down with my team keeping my eyes to the carpet, not wanting to look at anybody. The other team had got up and started to perform. They so seemed in control of the entire situation. Purvi’s team was even better. Infact, I really liked their spoof at Sholay with very well placed one-liners. I remember one scene where Jeevan (who was Veeru) was atop a table acting like a drunkard asking an over- excited Surabhi (Mausiji) to give her consent to his marriage with Purvi (Basanti) who was pushing Surabhi behind. After Mausiji gave her consent to the marriage she added rather ruefully, “OH NO! VEERU HAAT SE NIKAL GAYA.”
Their good performances increased my embarrassment even further but I consoled myself thinking that acting was never my cup of tea. But the results took me by surprise. If I am not mistaken we were to be marked out of 36. The team, which stood first, scored 36. Purvi’s team, which was second, scored 33 and we scored 30. 30 out of 36!!?? I was even more embarrassed at this but thought it was the work of Ajay who was being partial to his own script.
Well, the summer games come to an end. But even after many months I could not think about it without feeling uneasy. The good thing, however, was that I got over it and laugh heartily at the entire episode whenever I remember it. Believe me I have been giggling ever since I started writing this.
But the sad part was that I did not learn from my mistake and less than a year after this happened, I along with three of my classmates, guided by the sole motive of, if not more at least a participation certificate, went to St. Francis De Sales for an ‘On the spot slogan enacting competition’. Needless to say, we BOMBED it. That day I decided that surds were indeed the most crazy people on the face of this earth for when we finished I saw two surds reeling with silent laughter and clapping their hands together. But this too now adds to all those wonderful memories I associate with my school life.
